I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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