Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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