In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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