for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
