i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
