So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
