I look better un-naked...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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