Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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