she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
