He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
