2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
