I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
