i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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