I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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