I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
