The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
