Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
