So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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