He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
