I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
