so that wasnt chicken after all
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
