am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
