I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
