at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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