My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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