i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
