I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
