im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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