so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
