No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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