question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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