i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
