from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
