Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
