i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
