I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
