i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
