those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
