you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
