i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone shattered a urinal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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