I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
