i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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