my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
