We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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