I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
