Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
