Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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