i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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