grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
