I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
