he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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