Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize