did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
