I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How does one acquire holy water?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
