Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
