we're blogging at a bar
we're chasing vodka with high fives
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What a dumb baby whore.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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