her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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