White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
