so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
