I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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