Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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