Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
