worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
