She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
