I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
