You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My vagina is very pro this idea
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
