life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
