Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
