Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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