I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
